


Grab Your Dreams With Your Fists While You Can Still Remember It

by yatagarasu (leelhiette)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Drama, It can be frustrating, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Canon, Realizations, There are other cameos, Toshirou-centric, a bit of miscommunication, a bit of shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leelhiette/pseuds/yatagarasu
Summary: Toshirou should learn to look both ways before crossing the road.(Or he learns more about the people around him and about himself.)
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 18
Kudos: 261





	Grab Your Dreams With Your Fists While You Can Still Remember It

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if it went on too long. I went past my usual quota for long one-shots but I still hope you like it.

Toshirou stared at everyone.

Everyone stared back at him.

No one said anything.

The hall had fallen silent upon Kondo's announcement of his condition. Apparently, while he'd been on a chase yesterday that his commander had yet to elaborate on, Toshirou had been hit by a speeding car when he'd unknowingly dashed in the middle of the road. The doctor had cleared him from any lasting physical damage after having been confined for two days. However, the mild trauma to his brain might have attributed to his amnesia, _losing memories for the past few years._

And that was after he'd gone through a stage of murderous denial, resignation, and then grudging acceptance.

To be honest, it unnerved him. All of these people knew him in a way that he probably didn't know himself. That thought didn't sit well with him.

He hadn't done anything incriminating, right? Toshirou knew himself enough that he wouldn't have given in to those illegal impulses. He had gone this far without murdering any of his subordinates, after all.

Scrutinizing each person that he could lay his eyes on, Toshirou counted the men that he still remembered albeit older, the ones that were no longer present and the new faces that were now foreign to him. In all honesty, it felt like being inaugurated as the Shinsengumi's Vice-Commander all over again, taking in all the people he would be leading and knowing that these were going to be the same men that he would fight and die with.

It was a relief that the Shinsengumi he last remembered was apparently the same Shinsengumi he was facing today. Same idiotic faces who gazed back at him as if he had just announced that they were all going to commit mass seppuku on the spot.

Still, there was this itch underneath his skin. As if his mind was looking for something to fill in some kind of gap. It was irritating.

Someone raised their hand.

When Toshirou set his gaze on him, he bit the inside of his cheek from showing any sudden outward reaction. However, his thoughts were a different story.

 _Oi, who the hell is this chubby-face person?!_ He thought in disbelief. Also, what the hell was up with those _eyes_?! They're so big and sparkly and the way they stared at Toshirou determinedly frankly unnerved him.

"Yes, Tetsu." Kondo called out.

"What will happen to the Vice-Commander's memories?" The officer, Tetsu, questioned worriedly.

It was a valid point. Right now, he was Hijikata Toshirou. The Shinsengumi Vice-Commander.

But he wasn't the leader they knew. A lot could happen in those years.

"The doctor said that it will eventually come back," Toshirou answered this time, trying not to squirm and shift his eyes away from those sparkly ones. "But it will take time. I may not be the Vice-Commander that you remember but I ask that you all lend me your strength and understanding for the time being." With that proclamation, he bowed to the entirety of the force, knowing that if he hadn't been careless, he wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place.

"That's not how you beg for our understanding, Hijikata-san." An all too familiar drawling voice interjected as Toshirou straightened. "You should go down on your hands and knees before committing seppuku as recompense for all the trouble you're gonna cost us." Sougo declared as he stepped through the doorway, staring at him with unabashed curiosity.

Okita Sougo was a little taller. Shoulders broader. However, he still had the same hair, same lackadaisical stance, same childlike face and apparently, the same atrocious disposition.

However, what actually surprised Toshirou was the utter lack of resentment in those maroon eyes. Its presence was something that he'd gotten used to over the years ever since they left Bushuu. It was astonishing as it was alarming. _What had happened in those missing years?_ Now, those eyes that gazed back at him were clearer than he remembered being. Toshirou was rendered speechless for a minute that he could only stare.

In his momentary shock, he had let the captain who had approached him to position him on his hands and knees in front of everyone.

"Now, repeat after me. I will surrender all of my life savings to atone for my incompetency." The sadistic brat gleefully ordered him.

"I–" His mouth spasmed as he realized what he was about to do.

Toshirou twitched.

Sougo shifted to the left to dodge the swing of his sword before jumping back several paces away. _Damn it_. The infuriating little shit had the nerve to smirk at him. Toshirou breathed out a silent sigh of relief. At least, _that_ hadn't changed too much. Or else he was going to start thinking that he'd landed in an alternate universe instead of losing his memories. Though, that didn't sound too farfetched since it felt like he travelled to some sort of future.

"You haven't changed a bit," Toshirou remarked with his own smirk, refusing to admit that he was fucking glad about it.

"Tch," Sougo's expression fell flat. "You're one to talk. Are you sure that you really lost your memories? Or are you just trying to cover up the fact that you've messed up to save yourself from the humiliation?" The bastard raised an eyebrow at him as his hand went to the hilt of his sword.

 _This fucking asshole_ , Toshirou gritted his teeth as he glowered at him.

"As if I'm stupid enough to do that." He bit out irritably.

"No, you're just stupid enough to get yourself hit by a car." The brat retorted matter-of-factly before suddenly perking up. _Now what?_ "In fact, you don't even remember that you lost a bet to me last week. Hijikata-san is supposed to be my slave for a month. First order of business, wear this collar and bark like a dog by the gates–" The captain brought out a spiked collar, waving it around.

"Like hell I did!" Toshirou was quick to disagree because he'd learned long ago to never make bets with Sougo. Not since the tofu incident that _never_ happened.

The other _always_ cheated. So, he wouldn't be making a mistake like that! Right? _Right?_

"That's enough, Sougo." Kondo sighed as he stepped in between them, staring at Toshirou with crossed arms. "He really doesn't remember anything beyond that drinking party with the Shogun when I tried to give the men a lap dance." His cheeks colored in embarrassment while those who were unfortunately present for that nightmare squirmed in discomfort and even Sougo sported a grimace at the reminder. "Right now, I'm counting on everyone in assisting Toshi and getting him up to date with everything."

_Oi, what about that bet?! Why aren't you denying it?!_

"Why does that sound ominous?" Toshirou decided to ignore it for now as he sheathed his sword.

Sougo deadpanned. "This is us we're talking about."

**oOo**

Thankfully, he hadn't made a deal with their resident devil because he'd gladly let himself be hit again by a car than surrender himself to Sougo's sadistic whims. However–

"I'm Tachibana Sosuke, sir!" One of the new faces had saluted to him. "I'm originally from the Mimawarigumi–"

It was followed by other officers who'd reported of the same origins. Followed by some who were apparently recruited during _a rebellion against the bakufu_.

That wasn't the problem.

"Ah, Vice-Commander," Harada, who really hadn't changed that much over the years, approached him the next day. "About that bonus you promised–" He started regaling him a tale about how an officer managing to dispose of two hundred people from the Liberation Army two years ago would–

That was fucking _two years ago_ so what–

 _Joint trainings with other divisions are still on schedulez_ , was written on a torn sketchpad paper that was placed on his desk the next evening. _The Vice-Commander authorized the use of dojo every Monday, Thursday, and Friday_ –

Shimaru, at least, sounded sensible enough.

Yamazaki fucking _cornered_ him. "Ah, Hijikata-san. Two weeks ago, you finally approved the budget proposal for the monthly provision of anpan." The cyborg (the man had become a fucking _robot_ , what the fuck) then proceeded to turn in a document about its impact on their finances, followed by a meticulous feasibility study on the usage of anpan as fuel. "This way, the Shinsengumi could make full use of the abilities I gained as a mobcop–"

That was before the man grew nervous in talking to him and ran off.

The signature looked like his, shockingly enough. However, Toshirou was going to read the report again that came with Yamazaki's manual _and_ blueprints.

Then there was Kumanaku who had been insisting for seminars regarding toilet hygiene for the whole organization which was supposed to be approved by him. Although, for some reason that he couldn't explain, he had shuddered at the words Toilet Revolution–

"I'll think about it." was what he'd said eventually.

It was one thing after another. _What the hell do they think did his amnesia mean?!_ These idiots were clearly taking advantage of it! He lost his memories, not his fucking brain!

Also, Sougo wouldn't fucking lend him copies of that drama they'd been watching before! The series was already done, damn it!

To Toshirou's surprise, when it came to the skeletal force behind the operations of the Shinsengumi, he had to relearn it with everyone else.

This was due to the fact that, apparently, they had just been recently reformed after being disbanded. _Which no one had thought to fucking explain to him yet._ So, he had to re-establish the framework once again, set out new patrol routes to adapt to the changes amidst the rebuilding of Edo, revise existing procedures to accommodate for the larger force than he last remembered, and reallocate assets in order to lay out the structure of duties for each division, down to every last man.

Also–

"Do you need anything else, Vice-Commander?" His assigned assistant stared at him eagerly, fists clenched in obvious anticipation.

Toshirou's eye twitched at the sight of those large sparkly eyes.

"As I said, nothing at the moment. Just let me read all these reports in peace." Toshirou found himself repeating for the _nth_ fucking time.

"I-If you have any questions, I'll answer them the best I could!" Tetsu told him determinedly.

Seriously, it was unnerving the first time but now, he just found that bubble of annoyance to be familiar.

How the hell did he get such a tenacious chubby subordinate again? Or _why?!_

Pausing, Toshirou turned to look at him. He'd read up on how this guy had been involved in an incident back then with another police force called the Mimawarigumi which was led by none other than his older half-brother, Sasaki Isaburo. To be honest, he hadn't thought of the man ever since those first few weeks when the Roshigumi was still being formed. However, if he was reading the reports right, it was that same man who'd instigated a rebellion against the bakufu.

Toshirou had a lot of questions. There were some things that couldn't be provided by these papers.

How could he ask them when the person he wanted answers from was already dead?

But since he graciously offered–

"Why did we disband two years ago?" Toshirou went straight to the point as he lit up the cigarette stick dangling from his lips.

"U-Uhm," Tetsu fumbled, caught off guard. "W-Well, it's not that the Shinsengumi really disbanded but we were just, ah, 'reorganizing temporarily'. To use the vice-commander's words. Edo was in ruins after that battle against Utsuro and the new government that Katsura-san and Matsudaira-san were reforming necessitated it." His brows furrowed at this, cheeks puffing out.

"So, it was Katsura and Totsan's idea?" He exhaled, smoke curling in the air.

Toshirou still didn't know what to do with the fact that they had ended up working with a rising terrorist from what he last remembered years later. It was different to read from reports and to hear it straight up like this. To think that Edo had reached its lowest point that they would have to join forces. _What a fucking mess_. Still, he had this suspicion that there was more to it than that especially when he just couldn't see himself easily agreeing to the abolishment of the Shinsengumi.

"I think it would be better if you hear it straight from the commander," The other eventually settled for an answer. "Because if anyone would know better, it would be him and Okita-taichou."

**oOo**

That was what Tetsu had told him so when the door to his room was slammed open by none other than Kondo hours later, Toshirou didn't try to turn him away like other times when the man insisted on checking up on him every other hour every single day and it had taken him threatening every one of his old and new subordinates with seppuku for them to leave him alone. Their hovering was seriously putting him on edge.

Ironically enough, it was Sougo who acted the most normal out of all of them and still tried to assassinate him at every opportunity. It was a blessing as it was a curse.

"Kondo-san," Toshirou was quick to cut him off. "We need to talk."

"If this is about the paperwork yesterday–" Kondo laughed nervously as he sat across from him.

"Why did we disband two years ago?" He repeated his question.

To his credit, his commander didn't look surprised by the question and even seemed to be expecting it. It wasn't like Toshirou hadn't tried asking but he figured that if he got a feel for the situation first, then he would better understand the answer.

"It's what the new country needs," The man spoke, basically repeating what Tetsu had said earlier. "Or that's half the reason, at least." He smiled ruefully, the scar on his face almost stealing half of the vice-commander's attention once again. It _looked_ out of place but it didn't feel like it.

"And the other half?" Toshirou raised an eyebrow as he pulled out a cigarette.

"While fighting for the next generation sounded much better, what we chose is to swing our swords for those we've fought alongside with." Kondo crossed his arms over his chest as he stared back at him with warm eyes. "Toshi, I can tell you in many words how we did it to save Edo but when it came down to it, it was just really for _them_. I'm sure that you've read about those guys in those reports, especially _him_."

"You mean…" He trailed off with a frown.

"Ah, if I've done the math right, then you don't remember meeting the Yorozuya yet, huh?" Kondo put in thoughtfully.

 _Yorozuya_ , he'd read about them. How they'd helped in protecting Edo and even saved the Shinsengumi. But then–

"Why would we do that for them?" _Why go so far?_ Toshirou was confused since these reports left a lot of things out because he knew the difference between repaying favors and simply going out of his way for someone. This definitely felt like the latter.

"It's better if you see for yourself." The commander shook his head with a laugh.

**oOo**

"Why the fuck are we at a cabaret club?"

Toshirou's eye twitched as he sat in a booth with Kondo and Sougo the following evening. This wasn't what he had in mind when the man had said they were going out.

His only consolation was that the place was packed and other than having drinks served to their table, none of the other hostess had stayed to cater to them. It was bad enough when Matsudaira had to bring them to these kinds of establishment before but to come here on their own even when off-duty was disconcerting.

Losing his memories, to him at least, didn't really change a lot of things.

He still felt like himself for the most part. He and Kondo had been advised that long-term exposure would be his best bet in recovering more smoothly and it was the reason why he'd been allowed to come back to his post regardless of Kondo's wishes for him to use this opportunity to take a break.

What _was_ different was the environment he found himself in and the people around him.

For instance, the layout of Edo was a bit different from what he remembered with the ongoing construction. He hadn't finished reading the report but _a lot_ had happened in two years. An immortal who wanted to destroy earth? A universal war against the fucking Amanto? A new Prime Minister? Deaths of _two_ shoguns? A final battle against the remnants of the famed Tendoshuu? It was like someone had stripped off the existing setting and placed a completely different one. Utterly unrecognizable.

He had to remind himself again that these things had already passed. Or so the reports claimed.

"Didn't Kondo-san tell you?" Sougo asked nonchalantly as he poured himself a drink. "Our commander has reached a new low ever since. This place is owned by the woman he's been stalking over the years. We just learned to look the other way when his inner gorilla comes out. You'll just have to get used to it again." The sandy-haired young man told him matter-of-factly, already helping himself to a plate of sashimi.

" _What?_ " Toshirou asked flatly. _Did he just say gorilla?_

"Sougo!" Kondo whined as he covered his face with his hands. "You've got it all wrong! You know that I'm just looking out for Otae-san! Don't tell Toshi lies!" He insisted as he tried to grab some sashimi from Sougo's plate and let out a cry when the other just jammed his chopsticks onto his hand.

"Kondo-san," The captain directed a dull stare towards the man. "Why do I need to lie when the truth is enough to make Hijikata-san miserable?"

Toshirou gazed at his commander.

Kondo teared up. "Don't look at me like _that_ , Toshi!" He paused from his crying as he perked up. "Ah, there she is! I'll leave you here for a bit!" He babbled before he went somewhere in the back, moving from one potted plant to another. Like a fucking _stalker_.

"He's become worse, hasn't he?" was the only thing he could say at this point.

"The worst," Sougo agreed, not the least bit helpful.

Toshirou had to wonder just how much damage control he had to accomplish for _that_. Right now, just thinking about it was already giving him a massive headache. Wait, when his commander disappeared at odd hours these past few days, did that mean–?!

"You guys are here again?" A dull voice suddenly chimed in.

"Danna, just in time," Sougo piped up.

Toshirou turned to the newcomer and met a pair of dead fish eyes. His nose wrinkled at the display of the man's pinky finger jabbed into his nostril as he made his way over to their booth. He was dressed oddly in a black ensemble underneath a yukata that was half-worn. He was a samurai, judging by the bokutō strapped to his hip. His instincts told him that this man was no mere student of some dojo. What was most distinct about him was those silver curls.

"Oi, Hijikata-kun," The perm-headed bastard called out rather casually once he was close. "I know that Gin-san's attractive but your staring is a bit disgusting," The asshole remarked blandly as he flicked the booger he'd dug to the side.

His eyes narrowed before he turned away and focused on pouring himself a drink, not answering.

"Look, if this was about the drinks that I put on your tab last time, then I'll pay for the next round on this one." The impertinent man grabbed the sake bottle from Toshirou's hand before taking a seat on the open space on his left and poured himself a drink, using Kondo's untouched cup.

"What do you want?" Toshirou resignedly asked.

_Who the fuck is this annoying bastard?!_

This guy was acting too familiarly for Toshirou's liking.

"Give me a break, I had to take this job from that gorilla woman." came the complaint, followed by a grimace. "It's not easy providing entertainment in this kind of place, you know? So, I just gotta get by where the cash comes in. Those customers of hers get very demanding most of the time." He took a sip of his alcohol, dull eyes staring at somewhere at the back, the last place the vice-commander saw Kondo lurking.

"Job?" Toshirou cautiously worded out, eyes fixed on the man's bokutō.

Was this the cabaret club's bouncer? Was it the reason why they shared a drink? Because he had to come here before and pick up Kondo occasionally when his commander was stalking that Otae-san and got very demanding about it?

"Well, that fucking karaoke machine is a menace." The man snorted.

Toshirou's brows furrowed. "So, what? You're supposed to be the repairman here?" He wasn't some kind of fighter? Were his instincts off, after all?

He stared at Sougo to get some kind of cue but the stupid brat ignored him as he ate.

"It's what Gin-san's here for now." came the bemused response.

"I see." His eye twitched.

"Also, you lost the bet last time so you owe Gin-san a chocolate parfait." Gin-san declared matter-of-factly, pouring himself another cup. _What? Another bet? Is he telling the truth? Or is he messing with me?_

Toshirou stared at Sougo again but the sadist was now on his phone, seemingly engrossed.

"I-Is that so?" Toshirou spoke through gritted teeth as his gaze went back to the silver-haired man.

" _Ten_ parfaits, to be exact." The perm nodded his head at this, crossing his arms.

"That's a lot of parfaits." The vice-commander felt his eye twitching again.

"Well, it was originally supposed be a monthly supply but you were so stingy as always, Hijikata-kun." The man stared at him in mock disappointment as he pointed at Toshirou rather accusingly. "And I don't want to hear that from someone who probably inhales more than a year's worth of mayonnaise in just a week." His face scrunched up in disgust while the vice-commander's hand twitched, aching to cut down this asshole.

Toshirou stared at Sougo again with wild eyes. Stupid brat didn't look up but he gave a discreet thumbs up as if to say _you're on your own_.

"Then I don't need to go with you." He spoke as his quivering hand pulled out his wallet. "Y-You can just buy it yourself, right?"

The silver haired man blinked. Then he just sort of stared at Toshirou. _What now?!_

"You're really going to pay for my sugar fix?" The man's brows furrowed in consternation. "What the hell's up with you?" He questioned suspiciously, eyes squinting.

_You're the one who told me that I owe you, damn it!_

"It's time to end the charade, don't you think so, Hijikata-san?" The captain finally cut in as he stared between the two of them before the sadist raised his eyebrow at the vice-commander, flipping his phone closed.

Toshirou gritted his teeth. This fucking _brat_ –

"Oi, oi!" The perm's gaze snapped to the young man. "What are you talking about, Sofa-kun? You've completely lost Gin-san here."

"It's Sougo. Long story short, our vice-commander was in an accident a week ago and lost his memories for the past few years." Sougo smirked, obviously enjoying the stupefied reaction of the silver-haired man. "And he doesn't remember losing a bet to you or ever meeting you and your lot." He tacked on bluntly.

"So…?" The asshole gaped as he stared at Toshirou with wide eyes.

"Meet the Yorozuya danna, Hijikata-san." Sougo informed him smugly.

That itch underneath his skin was back. As if his mind was looking for something to fill in some kind of gap. It was irritating.

Wait, did Sougo just say _Yorozuya?!_

That's when Kondou came crashing onto their table without warning.

**oOo**

To be fair, Kondo had pulled out the personal files pertaining to the Yorozuya after their talk so Toshirou didn't know what to expect. The man had been serious in his advice to meet the people instead and that decision ended up with Toshirou making a fool of himself at the cabaret club.

Thankfully, the Yorozuya had decided to stay and hold back a brunette woman from trying to pummel their commander while he and Sougo booked it back to the barracks. That was one averted confrontation. Apparently, Kondo had tried to sabotage the karaoke machine when one of the customers announced that he was going to dedicate the song to the owner of the establishment. The same karaoke machine that that perm had been hired to fix.

So, to be fair again, Toshirou ignored his commander's sulking and went to study those personal files.

The kids were standard. One illegal Amanto immigrant and one the brother of Kondo's woman. Aside from being involved in questionable events and activities, there wasn't a lot to their records.

To his surprise, most of the notes listed for the stupid perm, however, were done in _his_ handwriting. He didn't know what relationship he exactly had with the Yorozuya boss over the years but the side-notes were mostly compilations about suspicion after suspicion. Heck, there was even one page with 'Suspect To be Monitored At All Times' underlined repeatedly, as if to remind himself. This man was the fucking Shiroyasha for God's sake.

Though, after that crisis with Itou (fucking hell, that was another can of worms that hadn't sunk in yet), Toshirou noticed that his observations had taken on a more objective wording.

But whatever he read in them still wasn't enough to prepare him for another encounter.

The universe didn't care about that it seemed because three days later while Toshirou was buying cigarettes from a small store that was decidedly a few ways away from Kabukichou, he almost crashed into said person when he turned to go back to his patrol duty where he got himself acquainted with this new Edo. As it was, Sakata Gintoki stood there with his arms crossed, foot tapping an erratic rhythm on the pavement, and staring back at him blankly.

"You don't seem that different," The man remarked as his brows wrinkled. "Though, I guess you didn't lose your whole identity like I did when _I_ had amnesia." He seemed to be muttering to himself.

"Look, if it's those parfaits you want then–" Toshirou didn't like the topic of this conversation.

"There was never a bet to begin with." Gintoki cut him off as his foot stilled. _So, this guy was messing with me!_ "Or you didn't agree to it, last time I checked. Good thing because, otherwise, you're really gonna owe me some parfait." He snorted at this.

Why did they disband for this stupid asshole again? And _no_ , he couldn't see it Kondo-san.

"If that's all, then I'm gonna go." Toshirou nodded to him as he walked past the other.

It didn't take three steps before the man called out to him.

"What if I tell you that I can help you get your memories back?" Gintoki blurted out while the vice-commander's head snapped towards him.

"What are you talking about?" Toshirou questioned warily, knowing that he shouldn't get involved with this man but his feet wouldn't move.

At most, it had only been more than a week since his accident. Despite retaining what the doctor had called his core memories, it still didn't change the situation that he was missing a few years of his life. The doctor had said that it would eventually come back but he had to be patient. However, seeing how everyone had gotten on with their lives while his mind was currently stuck in a time that was totally different from the present, it almost felt like he didn't belong here.

"I'll help you get your memories back." The silver-haired man turned to face him.

Toshirou blinked. "What's in it for you?" Also, _why?_

"Well," Gintoki rubbed a hand through his curls as he let out an explosive sigh. "I guess I kinda owe you? Not that you'd remember considering you technically don't know me, huh?" He gave a rather wry smile at this.

Toshirou chewed on that thought.

While he was still skeptical about the offer, this would be a good opportunity to get some answers. Also, what did he have to lose anyway? If it didn't work, he could just go back to reading the reports.

"Fine," He hoped that he wasn't playing into this bastard's hands. "What do we need to do?"

**oOo**

"Don't worry, Toshi!" Kondo had waved him off that morning. "The Yorozuya told us all about it! I'm giving you a few days– no, a few _weeks_ off if needed!" He reached forward and placed his hands on the vice-commander's shoulders.

"Are you up to something?" Toshirou asked suspiciously.

"O-Of course not!" His commander denied unconvincingly.

Even so, he'd instructed Yamazaki to keep an eye on the man. He still didn't know what to do with the knowledge that Kondo had apparently become a high-grade stalker over the years. He also couldn't forget the image of the way Shimura Tae had punted the man last time. Ugh, just how many violations did he have to overlook for that one? If he arrested her for charges of violence, Kondo's breach of protocol and offenses would come to light.

Didn't he leave a manual for himself for that one?

Looking at the address written on the piece of paper in his hand, Toshirou eyed the abandoned building that Gintoki had told him to meet him at.

The perm showed up before he could waltz in.

"Yo," Gintoki waved a hand, looking completely disinterested despite being the one who told Toshirou to show up here.

"Why are we here?" He immediately got to the point as he pulled out a cigarette.

For some reason, Gintoki had told him specifically to come here in uniform. Not that he had any problem but he'd prefer to keep out the Shinsengumi's name from any personal business. As it was, he still didn't know what this stupid perm-head had in mind.

"You'll see," The bastard merely answered before striding inside.

To be honest, that dismissal right there annoyed Toshirou but, despite himself, he fell into step with the man. It didn't matter that the pace was languid compared to his brisk strides because he still found himself matching it without even noticing until they had reached the stairwell.

Once they arrived at the fifth floor, Toshirou eyed the empty corridor warily.

"What's your grand plan?" He went on to finally light up his cigarette, taking a long drag as he did so.

Gintoki grinned. "How about some roleplay?" _Some what now?_

With that, he slid the doors open to one of the rooms and several armed men greeted them. In fact, they were all staring back with varying degrees of surprise and apprehension as they unsheathed their swords one by one. Toshirou bit his cigarette as his hand went to the hilt of his sword, watching with dubious eyes as his perm-headed companion strode inside and even stood beside the others.

So, he was being set up after all. Damn it.

"I forgot all the details but we met like this, I guess?" Gintoki scratched the back of his head as he turned to one of the thugs. "Ah, look, Zura said that he'd helped us. So, where's that damn wig? We can't get the show going when he's not here. And why are you all dressed like terrorists? Didn't I request for others to be dressed like those damn tax thieves? This would've been easier if that gorilla just allowed me to borrow some troops."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Toshirou demanded as he tried to make sense of this stupid perm's words. "And like hell Kondo-san would just loan out our people!" Wait, did he just accept that his commander was a gorilla?! And who the hell was Zura?

Of course, Kondo wouldn't agree. Not after Toshirou made him promise that the Shinsengumi wouldn't let his condition disrupt their work no matter what. He refused to be a burden.

Still, when this bastard mentioned roleplay and meeting like this–

"Well, I figured that we can recreate first meetings and all that–" The silver-haired man was cut off as he jumped back to dodge when the brute beside him tried to slice him in half. "Oi, oi, oi! That was close! What if you hit me? We still haven't prepared yet!" He complained irately.

"How did you find our base?" The thug with a rather curly mustache demanded, sword pointed at Toshirou.

"Look, if that's your issue then take it up with Zura, okay?" Gintoki grumbled.

"I don't know what you're talking about," The man responded as his eyes narrowed. "But I recognize both of you. The Shiroyasha and the Shinsengumi Demon Vice-Commander. It doesn't matter if it's you. We won't give up." He spoke through gritted teeth, eyes just a speck of wild. Like cornered prey.

 _That_ –- Toshirou understood and unsheathed his sword.

"This will be my first fight in a while." Toshirou spat out his cigarette on the carpeted floor and crushed it under his foot. "So, I'm gonna enjoy it."

"Okay, stop! That's enough!" Gintoki stepped in between them with a scowl before turning to Toshirou with an outstretched hand. "Lend me your phone. These are Zura's men. I'll call him so he can clear things up for us, sounds good?" The men behind the perm looked like they wanted to disagree but they surprisingly subsided in confusion when Gintoki raised a hand in a signal for them to wait while impatiently gesturing for Toshirou to hand over what he wanted.

Narrowing his eyes, Toshirou reached in his pants pocket for the device before tossing it to the perm, not letting down his guard.

From the folds of his yukata, Gintoki pulled out a crumpled piece of tissue that contained a written number before dialing and putting it on speaker.

Someone picked up after the third ring.

"Where are you? _Where are you?!_ " Gintoki demanded furiously as he glared at the phone. "Tell your men that we're not really enemies, oi! They look like they're really going to kill us! So, you better show your ass here, Zura!" He yelled loudly.

" _It's not Zura, it's Katsura!_ " was the fast response, like a reflex.

He knew it! This fucking perm was talking about _Katsura Kotarou_! The report did say that they first met while those two were bombing embassies.

"Just fucking get here!"

" _Oh, that._ " There was a pause, then there were the sounds of slurping, the gross noise of chewing, and a gulp. " _I can't. I'm tied up right now. Also, that's more reason not to hold back against them. Those men were being investigated by Elizabeth and were found to be aiding remnants of the Seibouists. Right now, Oba-Z is currently busy at the moment._ " Another slurping sound followed by a small burp.

_He's obviously not going to get here!_

Gintoki directed an almost nervous glance over his shoulder towards the group.

Toshirou held his sword in front of him steadily, eyeing the glaring men. He'd read about the Seibouists. So, this was it, huh?

"So, you fucking set us up?!" The Yorozuya shrieked as his hands mimed strangling the phone. "And are you eating _ramen_ right now? Seriously?!"

" _It's not ramen, it's soba!_ " came the correction.

"Who the hell cares about that!" Gintoki snarled. "I hope you choke on your fucking noodles, you damn wig!" With that, he slammed the flip phone shut and, for a moment, just stood there before turning to face the hostile group of men. "So, we got the wrong address after all." He remarked with a twitching grin.

"No, we didn't." Toshirou cut in with a menacing grin of his own as he stepped forward. "I'm the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander, Hijikata Toshirou. No one is getting away here."

At that announcement, he cut down the first two thugs who attacked him. There was someone who went for a stab from his right but before Toshirou could kick the weapon out of his hand, a wooden sword had jabbed the man on the solar plexus, knocking him back towards the other criminals. Sakata Gintoki stood there with a frown, his arm still outstretched. It wasn't long before the others were swinging their swords towards them.

Toshirou blocked a slash towards his torso before he shoved the man back and swept four of them off their feet with a wide swing of his sword. When Gintoki stepped in front of him, Toshirou was already ducking as the man swung his bokutō towards an opponent from the back while he directed a kick towards another thug from his left. _Huh_.

Despite the numbers against them, they actually made quick work of these people.

Toshirou was surprised at how well he fought with Gintoki. His body had just moved on its own, almost as if he was guarding the silver-haired man's back. Although, that could be muscle memory mainly speaking for him which wasn't a surprise as he'd always been a person whose sword and actions spoke more for him than words ever would. And right now, he could acknowledge the fact that some part of him _still_ recognized this man.

"Well, I guess this was a bust." Gintoki let out an aggravated sigh as he stared at the unconscious men around them.

"Damn right." Toshirou agreed as he dialed Yamazaki's number to make some arrests.

Despite his words, though, he knew that it wasn't a total waste.

**oOo**

After a week, Toshirou didn't even get to leave the barracks before Gintoki was being led to his room by none other than Yamazaki.

"Yo, Oogushi-kun." The stupid perm greeted with a raised hand.

Toshirou frowned. "Who the hell are you calling Oogushi?"

"Ah, that response hadn't changed." Gintoki yawned as he stepped into his domain. "Figured I'll do something for you since that disaster." With that declaration, he marched towards Toshirou, who had been standing after just finishing going over some documents, before getting behind him to push him out of his room.

"H-Hey, what–"

"We're gonna have lunch." The silver-haired man declared as he grabbed the vice-commander's sword from the low table and tossed it to him.

Toshirou deftly caught it. "What?"

Gintoki didn't answer and merely walked past him. Looking at Yamazaki, the cyborg merely gave him a helpless shrug, just as clueless as he was. So, he found himself with no choice but to grudgingly follow after he'd strapped his sword to his hip. He hoped that this wasn't becoming a trend because it was kind of annoying to be led around by this man. Just because he'd had a bit of a fucking epiphany about this asshole didn't mean that Toshirou wasn't wary of his schemes. Last disaster was still fresh in his mind.

Soon enough, he felt into step with him, matching his languid pace again, and it irked him that he had no idea where they were going.

"Where are we even going?" He didn't even bother hiding his annoyance as they walked past the gates.

"Oi, is that the attitude you give the person who's here to help you?" Gintoki demanded irritably. Toshirou gave him a dry look. "Okay, _fine_. Gin-san made the mistake of trusting that damn wig but that was only one time!" He insisted but Toshirou's expression didn't shift. "Are you giving up already?" He jutted his chin upwards in a clear declaration of challenge and, despite himself, the vice-commander found his hackles rising at the condescending tone.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Fine," Toshirou gritted out. "What do you have?"

"As I said, we're gonna have lunch." The man sniffed imperiously as turned abruptly to the right at the next corner. "It's the little things, you know?" He gestured with his hand in a so-so manner, making Toshirou's eye twitch.

They eventually reached one of the main streets. It looked a bit different from what he remembered but it felt a lot different. Here, the people weren't going about their day with their heads subconsciously held low, something he'd come to notice ever since he arrived in Edo. He suspected that it was due to the fact that the Amanto's influence was felt more here compared to other parts of the country. Now, that underlying tension didn't exist and everyone seemed to be enjoying a much carefree state of living.

To be honest, it was also something he'd noticed about everyone in the Shinsengumi.

 _It's a time of peace, Toshi_. Kondo had told him when he'd first woken up in the hospital room after his accident. _And if you're really the Toshi of before, then I guess you're gonna hate it for a while._ He hadn't understood then what the man was getting at but, after the major battles he'd read about and seeing this, he kind of did now.

He staggered a bit and yelped when he was pulled by the back collar of his yukata without warning.

"Stop daydreaming, Hijikata-kun." The other clicked his tongue at him. "We're here."

Toshirou scowled as he straightened before turning towards him. He watched as the silver-haired man ducked under the flaps before entering a small snack bar. Toshirou did the same and felt his skin prickle once he was inside. He didn't remember but his gut was telling him that he'd been here before. The sensation had been brief and fleeting before he was left just staring around in polite curiosity.

He cautiously sat beside Gintoki by the counter.

"Oy, granny." The disrespectful bastard called loudly.

The old woman turned around to look at them and her entire face brightened. It was all Toshirou could do not to squirm in discomfort at the abject delight in her expression. She clearly recognized him and it made him uncomfortable that he couldn't recall anything about this woman who was clearly happy to see him.

"Ah, Gin-san, Hijikata-san!" She clapped her hands giddily. "It's been so long since I've seen you here!" She declared excitedly.

"Ahh, it's been what? Two years?" Gintoki agreed as a small smile curved his lips.

Despite being rude, this man was clearly fond of her, wasn't he?

"Yes, it's good to see you two back here again." Her expression softened. "It wasn't the same without you two. I guess _anata_ was right to say that things are always fun when you two are around." She laughed and the wrinkles in her face seemed to lighten with it.

Wait, he used to eat here with this perm?

"Then give us the usual." Gintoki turned to Toshirou with a raised eyebrow. "You're being awfully quiet there, Oogushi-kun." He remarked mockingly.

"Who the hell are you calling Oogushi?!" He growled at him with a glare.

"Well, Gin-san didn't bring you here just so you could sit there and stare." The stupid perm leaned his elbow on the counter and propped his chin on his hand. "Besides, you're gonna pay for the food since I'm still flat broke." He didn't even sound the least bit shameful about it!

"You were the one who pulled me here and _I_ 'm the one paying?" Toshirou demanded in irritation, fist clenching and itching to punch this bastard.

"Hey! I just said we're going to lunch, not that I'm gonna pay for us!" Gintoki pointed out, glowering right back.

The man had a point but fucking still! He was just clearly using him to get a free meal out of it! Why was it that he trusted this man and came with him, anyway?! At that, Toshirou found himself faltering in his annoyance, caught off guard by the thought.

He trusted Gintoki. He _trusted_ Gintoki.

Toshirou hadn't questioned it when he'd let him take that seat beside him at the cabaret club. Toshirou had followed him in that abandoned building without a second thought despite his wariness of the whole thing. Toshirou hadn't even hesitated to leave his back to him as they fought. And now, here he was, about to be cheated off of his money to pay for lunch because he'd trailed after this idiot like a fucking puppy.

And he didn't even fucking realize until now.

The old lady chuckled. "You two haven't changed." She said, watching them fondly before she got to work.

Toshirou watched the irritation melt out of Gintoki's face as if it hadn't been there at all. Wait–

_Did this asshole do that on purpose?_

"Fine," Toshirou sighed as he subsided. "This is the last time I'm gonna pay anything for you so you better enjoy every fucking bite, you shitty perm." Despite his words, there was no heat behind it and he could see that it surprised the other.

"How generous." Gintoki rolled his eyes at him.

By the time their orders were served, the vice-commander was pleasantly surprised by the dubbed 'Hijikata Special'. His love for mayonnaise hadn't changed.

For reasons he couldn't explain, the sight of his favorite food right beside the stupid perm's cat food made his throat closed up. Ugh, it must be because seeing azuki beans over rice was truly nauseating.

Though, before he could get ahold of it, Gintoki grabbed his bowl and gave him the aforementioned cat food.

What.

"Oi," Toshirou turned to the perm who was already devouring his favored meal. "What the hell do you think are you doing?" He demanded through clenched teeth.

"Habing m'linch, obvi'sly." was the garbled reply as the man spoke through a mouthful of mayonnaise and rice, pallor just a bit green.

"I don't eat azuki beans over rice." He declared dryly.

"Well, you do now, starting two years ago." Gintoki answered him after he swallowed the food with obvious difficulty.

_Why the fuck are you doing this?! It's obvious that you don't even like what you're eating!_

"Two years ago, h-huh?" Toshirou didn't move, just stared at the revolting concoction before him.

"Well, if you really can't eat it, we can just exchange meals." The bastard told him but there was that subtle prodding mockery there, an obvious jeer at the vice-commander. "I guess you just don't have the stomach for it." He smiled almost beatifically, obviously cheering him on to surrender.

Without a word, he raised the bowl and stuffed his mouth with food after a quiet ' _Itadakimasu_ '.

As expected, it was disgusting. But he didn't hate it, surprisingly enough.

**oOo**

" _You should come by the office_ ," The fucking perm had called him on his cellphone three days later and, starting that day, Toshirou was regretting his decision of giving him his number.

"I'm busy." He simply said as he read over the documents that the new Commissioner-General had sent them.

Even to this day, it still felt weird that old man Matsudaira was no longer holding that position. For that matter, he still didn't know what to make of Imai Nobume. He'd read reports (as was becoming the norm) and he'd seen the news. Toshirou had no objections about female superiors and he'd seen her standing faithfully by the new Prime Minister's side. He knew just by taking one look at the pair that they were stronger than anyone gave them credit for.

Still, he had to admit as he skimmed over the proposed regulations that she was suggesting that she knew what she was doing.

" _You don't remember your way here, is that it?_ " There was that annoying drawl followed by a yawn. " _You can just ask Souichiro-kun for directions. Or have one of your men just drive you here if walking really bothers you that much._ " There was a crash somewhere in the background and the sounds of screaming but Toshirou could easily imagine this man just sitting nonchalantly by the corner and ignoring whatever that was.

"I can't just come there anytime you want!" Toshirou had yelled at the phone. "I'm not at your fucking beck and call!"

" _Okay, come here later after lunch! Not before because if you do, I'm warning you that we only have rice and soy sauce._ " With that, he was left listening to the beeping sound of a disconnected call.

Toshirou knew that he'd told him that he wasn't at his beck and call but here he was, standing in front of Snack Otose and eyeing the signage for _Yorozuya Gin-chan_ apprehensively. In the end, he'd just asked Yamazaki for directions seeing as Sougo was nowhere to be found at the moment.

So, why the hell was he here in the first place?!

For a moment, he just stood there. To quell his agitation, he pulled out a cigarette, lit it up, and promptly took a long drag. It helped soothe his nerves somewhat but it didn't quite suppress that budding trepidation. Was he suddenly getting cold feet? No, that wasn't it. He wasn't exactly nervous anymore considering that the last one was sort of alright. Sure, it didn't pull out a lot of memories but there had been this bittersweet nostalgia about sharing meals with the perm.

It was this itch underneath his skin. As if his mind was looking for something to fill in some kind of gap. It was irritating. And Toshirou was starting to suspect what it was.

"Are you going to go up there or are you going to continue loitering outside my bar?" A woman's somewhat gravelly voice made Toshirou jump in surprise.

"I-I'm not–" He fumbled, unsure how to justify himself to this old lady who was standing by the doorway of Snack Otose.

"It's been a while since I saw that idiot get anxious over something." The woman shook her head with a small smile. "Figures. Now go up there before he decides to hunt you down instead." She waved him off as she re-entered the bar.

 _Argh_ , she was definitely talking about Gintoki, wasn't she?

So, Toshirou went up the stairs after having finished his cigarette. He could hear some furious whispering beyond the doors and it all just fell eerily silent when he knocked.

Some teen in glasses greeted him. "Hijikata-san, we've been expecting you."

Toshirou eyed him. He didn't know why but the appearance of Shimura Shinpachi unnerved him. It might've been because the picture in his file showed a doe-eyed teen in glasses. Not this sharp-eyed young man with his hair slicked back while wearing a cyan blue haori over a dark blue keikogi and grey hakama. Toshirou wasn't one to ignore his gut feeling and it was telling him that something was _wrong_.

Not to signal an actual threat but it was usually one he got when he'd see Kondo in nothing but a fundoshi in the middle of the night. Then learn of the danger when the troops discovered that their breakfast contained suspicious traces of hair.

"Yes, where's Gintoki?" Toshirou decided to just go straight to the point.

For some reason, that earned him a surprised if not confused stare from the other.

"H-He's inside," Shinpachi answered a bit unsurely as he led him into their office.

His shoulder slammed into the wall when he dodged an unexpected attack from the Yato of the group who had tried to dropkick him. Her foot smashed into the floorboard of where he had just been standing a minute ago. Toshirou stared with wide eyes, having not expected the attack. The female raised her head and narrowed her blue eyes at him. She was in the same get up as Shinpachi, only with her long vermillion hair tied up into a ponytail and a red keikogi underneath the same cyan blue haori.

Hell, even the dog sleeping by the corner was donned in the same haori!

"Kagura-chan! What the hell are you doing?!" Shinpachi screamed.

"If I hit his head, then his memories could come back, yes?" The girl declared gravely, sounding completely unrepentant as she pulled her foot out of the crushed flooring.

This girl was trying to kill him!

"That didn't work with Gin-san before, remember?" Shinpachi sighed while she clicked her tongue in annoyance before moving back for the vice-commander to enter.

Toshirou only remembered meeting the curly haired bastard a few times but it was enough to tell him that this wasn't normal. Gintoki had his bangs combed back while he gazed at Toshirou with strangely sharp eyes, seated behind a desk. In fact, the stupid perm inhaled through his kiseru before letting out a sharp exhale of smoke.

What the hell was going on here?

"It's already 02:34:56 in the afternoon," The bastard declared blankly, eyes totally judging him. Also, where the hell did that rude slang go?

"You just said after lunch and didn't specify a time." Toshirou deadpanned at him as his eyes roamed the office. "Be thankful that I even showed myself here." He scowled at him before his gaze went to a long parchment of paper taped horizontally on top of Gintoki's head. He blinked twice to see if his eyes were deceiving him. "The Yorozuya Hatto?" He couldn't quite keep out the incredulity in his voice.

"As the captain of the Yorozuya Squad Two," Shinpachi suddenly stepped forward as he pulled out a shinai. "I, Shimura Shinpachi, will always adhere to the Yorozuya Hatto and slay evil immediately." He announced passionately as he pulled back his weapon and crouched.

Toshirou felt this unexplainable urge to check on the Shinsengumi. There was this sudden nervousness that he couldn't explain.

"A-Are you about to use the Gatotsu?" Toshirou asked faintly as his eye twitched.

"That's what _I_ said back then!" Gintoki suddenly exploded as he jumped to his feet before clearing his throat and settling back down. "What I mean is, this megane is dedicated to our code. It's about time you meet the whole Yorozuya. Just like the Shinsengumi, we have our own code to follow to whip slackers into shape." He told him solemnly.

Reading the codes, Toshirou's brow furrowed. "I hate to say this to you but they seem pretty much all about you, idiot." He said exasperatedly. "How come you haven't committed seppuku yet?"

Kagura snickered. "That's what _I_ said back then!"

"It's not idiot," Gintoki still maintained his composure as he glared at the Yato. "It's President to you, Oogushi-kun. And how would an amnesiac like you know about me? You don't remember me, right?" He raised an eyebrow at him, puffing out smoke.

 _I just do_ , even that argument sounded weak to Toshirou.

"Is this really necessary in helping Toshi, Gin-chan?" Kagura suddenly demanded with her hands on her hips.

"Just play your part, Kagura." Gintoki calmly responded.

"T-Toshi?" The vice-commander spluttered.

" _No_ ," The Yato refused. "Like Shinpachi and I have been telling you since you puked on Sadaharu's dog bowl this morning, this isn't the Yorozuya that Toshi knows." She insisted with a frown.

"And I keep telling you, it's not like that. Look, that gorilla said that some major events could shake off that cloud in his head better, okay?" Gintoki explained defeatedly. "And that soul switching business sounded pretty major, right?" He rubbed the back of his neck at this.

"Soul switching…?" Toshirou murmured.

Also, they were now talking about him as if he wasn't in the room. Maybe he should've come at another time.

There was something frustrated in the Yato's eyes.

"So, what?" She clicked her tongue irritably. "He doesn't remember the Yorozuya that he and the others in that police group worked so hard to bring back, yes? If he's gonna remember us, I want it to be the friends that he'd come so far to help, yes? Can't we just really hit his head?" Her expression fell flat as her eyes moved to a cautious Toshirou.

"I don't think that's what friends do! Do you want him to lose more memories?!" Shinpachi yelled incredulously as he mussed up his hair.

"We _are_ helping him." A pause. "Are you done?" Gintoki asked disinterestedly as he tapped the kiseru at the corner of the desk to shake out some ashes.

Without warning, the Yato stomped forward and punched the bastard on the face.

"Fine! Do it your way, you stupid old man!" She growled at him before marching towards Toshirou. "If nothing works, I swear that I'll give it my all and hit your head every day, yes?" It sounded like a promise.

What.

"You will do no such thing!" Shinpachi screamed again.

"My hair's _silver_ , not white, you damn brat!" The Yorozuya boss bellowed.

"That's your issue?!" Toshirou glowered at the perm.

Gintoki then crawled back to his chair after he'd been thrown off of it as he cradled his bleeding nose.

"Will this really work?" Toshirou spoke as he sat by the couch while the two teens watched him in confusion. "I've read about that incident. Sounded more like a headache. Why the hell would I want to remember how I've been stuck in your body?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's one of the key incidents I remember?" The stupid perm sounded almost doubtful this time as he wiped off the blood with the back of his hand.

"And hitting my head?" Toshirou asked blankly.

"Last resort. She's just impatient." The silver haired man grumbled as the Yato turned her nose up at them. "You saw how she tried to take off your head a while ago."

That would imply that the girl cared about him more than what was stated in the reports. Though, staring back at her, it was hard to tell especially when she returned it with a bored look of her own, something that she no doubt mirrored from her boss. While the glasses-wearing teen looked apologetic.

It was now sinking in that the Yorozuya really had close ties to the Shinsengumi. Kondo was right on that one, at least.

"If we're gonna talk about major events, then why not discuss about what happened with Itou? What happened with the Shinsengumi and the rebellion? The war two years ago? The Seibouists?" He finally asked what had been on his mind while the expression of the teens fell grim. "You told me that you'd help me bring back my memories. So, why not those? What happened back then were pretty important, weren't they?"

For a moment, Gintoki didn't answer.

Then he exhaled sharply. Not quite a sigh. More like a way of expressing his surrender.

"You already know why." Gintoki pursed his lips at him, expression finally loosening into that familiar slacked expression. "I can tell you all about what I remember until I'm blue in the face, same with the gorilla and the others in that police force. But those are things that you're better off remembering by yourself. How does one describe betrayal in the first place? Or fighting for the person who changed our lives over saving the country? How does one talk about war? Was it about the lives we took or the comrades we lost?" He was staring into the distance.

The man just told him what Toshirou already knew. It was why he'd stuck to reports in the first place.

"And about the Shinsengumi helping you?" He tilted his head.

Kagura looked like she would speak up but Shinpachi stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Even I don't know what that's all about," Gintoki gave him this unreadable look that Toshirou, at this time, couldn't decipher. "Since only you can answer that, I'm afraid that it's going to be up to you."

Yeah, that's what he was afraid to hear. But that wasn't what was bothering him.

"Oi, your nose is still bleeding, asshole."

**oOo**

"You old men are really disgusting," Kagura scrunched her face at them.

"You don't get to diss Pedoro-kun!" Gintoki insisted as he tried to quell his tears to no avail. "You really have no taste in movies! This is one of the most phenomenal films that Gin-san had watched in his lifetime!" He staunchly defended as he hunched on the tatami.

"I-It was really good." Toshirou admitted a bit grudgingly as he tried to pretend that he wasn't shedding out his own tears.

Toshirou was just glad that the resident Yato had finally stopped with her schemes or trying to punch or kick his head off whenever she caught sight of him. The perm had apparently promised her that the vice-commander would be treating her to barbecue once he got his memories back. Thankfully, she was easily distracted by Sougo. It had been surprising enough to see that brat get along with another person, especially a female one. But he did. Strangely, that was comforting to know.

Now, the trio had come to the barracks bringing with them some movies that Gintoki had assured Toshirou he would love.

"Just let them be, Kagura-chan." Shinpachi sighed. "Well, we still have that Aliens vs. Yakuza–" He was cut off by the sliding door to the room slamming open.

"I've got a better one." Sougo entered without preamble, ignoring the glower of the Yato as he presented a DVD case without a cover.

Toshirou didn't really like horror movies. It seemed that Gintoki didn't too.

**oOo**

Toshirou scowled self-consciously.

"Is this really necessary?" He gritted out as he glared at the occupants of the Yorozuya office.

"I think we're missing something," Shinpachi's brows scrunched up in confusion as he stared at the vice-commander intently. "But I swear that we've got his outfit right on this one." He crossed his arms over his chest while Toshirou tried to bear with the scrutiny.

"That's easy, megane." Sougo chimed in as he stepped forward, grabbed Toshirou's left hand and placed it by his right elbow. "There." He stepped back to inspect his handiwork.

"Oh! That's definitely Tosshi!" Kondo clapped his hands from where he was seated on the sofa.

"Also, here." Kagura reached up towards Toshirou's face and placed a pair of black sunglasses. "That's the complete ensemble, yes?"

To Toshirou's mortification, the attire itself didn't really feel that foreign to him. So, it would give truth to the fact that he'd worn it sometime in the past. He'd read about his supposed cursed sword, something he'd done after he noticed that the one he wielded wasn't the usual Shinsengumi standard one. To be honest, Itou's betrayal cut deep in a way because, despite their clash of views, he'd always known that they both wanted the best for Shinsengumi.

And even then, he hated himself a bit that he also wasn't surprised at all about it. Itou, despite possessing keen intellect, had always come off to him as someone who didn't really know what he wanted, operating on a basis that depended on no one but himself. It was what made him such a loose cannon within the organization. Toshirou would know because he'd also been in that circumstance before he met Kondo.

But then, they'd still let him die as one of theirs. That meant something, didn't it?

Gintoki was right. How did one describe betrayal?

He blinked when something poked him between the eyes. In fact, he went cross-eyed as the finger pulled back from its prodding.

"You look deep in thought there," Gintoki scrunched his face at him. "What? Did it bring your otaku side back to the surface? Are you telling me that you recall being a Tomoe-chan fan but you can't remember Gin-san?" He droned on mockingly.

His eye twitching, Toshirou grabbed the offending finger and proceeded to bend it painfully.

"You wanna repeat that, asshole?" He bent the finger more until he'd reduced the silver-haired man to his knees.

"Oi! Oi! You're going to break it!" Gintoki cried out.

There was that itch underneath his skin once again. As if his mind was looking for something to fill in some kind of gap. It was irritating.

But he kind of knew already what it was.

There was a sudden flash of camera. Blinking at the spots in his eyes, Toshirou turned to Sougo who was staring at his screen thoughtfully.

"Didn't know you had it in you to be an S, Hijikata-san." The brat remarked rather casually. "Though, I guess if it's danna, then you have no problems about it." He sounded fucking thoughtful when he said it.

The statement was enough to surprise him that he let go of the perm's finger who had curled on the ground to cradle it.

"What are you talking about?" He was almost afraid to ask.

"It's your turn to get back at Gin-chan, yes?" Kagura suddenly cut in as she seemed to jump in place, her eyes taking on this strange glimmer that Toshirou was wary of. "When you were Tosshi, there was this time when Gin-chan was smacking your ass with his bazooka. And you were crying out–" She obliviously went on while the vice-commander had frozen at her words in horrified fascination, feeling his soul wither.

What.

"Oh, I remember seeing that happen." Sougo's eyes seemed to take an unholy glint. "Danna was certainly rough on you back then, Hijikata-san."

 _What_.

"You took advantage of Toshi just because he's a helpless otaku that time?!" Kondo demanded in disbelief.

"Oi, don't take what happened out of context!" Gintoki climbed to his feet as he glared at Kagura and Sougo. Please fucking tell him that they were lying. "I just gave him a good smack because he refuses to show them his strength as the vice-commander! What was I supposed to do?"

_You didn't fucking explain anything, shitty perm!_

"Don't worry about it, Hijikata-san." Shinpachi smiled at him reassuringly. "It's already in the past." His smile widened.

It wasn't reassuring in the slightest.

**oOo**

Slowly, ever so slowly, things were starting to click into place.

At least, until Sougo dropped a devastating news over his head.

And Toshirou's entire world seemed to tilt on itself.

**oOo**

That morning, Toshirou had been in his room going over reports once again since Kondo had refrained from letting him handle all the paperwork with his still spotty memories.

He'd been re-reading about the fight in Kokujo Island once again when a folder was thrown in his face rather unceremoniously. He spluttered in shock for a moment before his head snapped up to glower at the perpetrator. Sougo wasn't looking at him, however, as he leaned back on the side of the doorway. The fact that he hadn't gone to berate him for his seeming lack of attention was already telling enough.

"What the fuck do you want?" He sighed tiredly as he took a deep drag from his cigarette. It was best to get this over with.

"It's just my usual selfish whim when I pulled out that report from the ones you were reviewing." Sougo instead said and still wouldn't look at him. "In fact, I was actually waiting for you to ask about her but you never brought her up. Not even once. Though, I guess that shouldn't be surprising since you've done a great job about it over the years." Despite his obviously cutting words, there was no trace of venom in his voice. All of it was delivered matter-of-factly.

Because they both knew that just because Toshirou didn't ask also never meant he never wondered.

When Toshirou opened the folder, his eyes widened.

"This is–" His breath hitched.

"The report about the arrest of Kuraba Touma." The captain informed him blankly.

"Why give it to me now?" Toshirou asked as he laid out the report on the table, eyes never leaving one particular detail from it.

_Okita Mitsuba – fiancée (deceased)_

"Don't be mistaken. I don't really mean anything by it." Sougo answered as he pushed himself off to walk away. "At least, now I don't. I'm not that dumb kid anymore. I can respect your choices and while I never liked them, it's also because you can make those kinds of choices that everyone followed you here in the Shinsengumi."

Before he could go, Toshirou asked. "Was she happy?"

For a moment, there was no answer.

Then Sougo stared at him over his shoulder with eyes that Toshirou knew all too well. It was the same eyes he saw in the mirror when he thought of Tamegorou's death. The scar left over by grief was there but he was relieved that it was a wound that had obviously stopped hurting.

"Of course," The sadist answered confidently. "I'm obviously the best brother she ever had."

With that, he finally left Toshirou to his own thoughts.

So, here he was now, walking amongst the countless graves in a cemetery in Bushuu in order to visit her final resting place. Obviously untouched by the sins that Kuraba Touma had made with her brief stay in Edo. He was carrying a pack of those spicy senbei crackers that she always loved. Kondo had given him the afternoon off in order to make this trip and Sougo hadn't said a word when he'd told them where he was going.

However, he gritted his teeth.

"Why the hell are you here with me?!" Toshirou growled at the silver-haired man who had a pinky digging around his nostril.

"Gorilla called me to come with you, obviously." The bastard answered matter-of-factly as he pulled out his finger and flicked a booger to the side. He hoped the owner's grave haunted him for that. "Besides, you don't even know where her grave is so I'm here to escort you."

Gintoki made a valid point. And even though the vice-commander was annoyed about it, some part of him was relieved that he didn't have to do this alone.

"Fine." He clicked his tongue as he let the man take the lead.

Mitsuba's grave was located near the back, right beside the graves of her parents. Even back before he'd firmly distanced himself away from her, Toshirou couldn't remember a time when she'd talk about them as she always had Sougo's name at the tip of her tongue. So, Toshirou could believe Sougo's statement that she at least died in peace because he knew just how much she treasured her brother's happiness above all else.

Even when she'd asked to come to Edo with him, Sougo had been someone who had never been too far from her thoughts.

Looking out for that brat was something they had in common and he figured that if he couldn't give her the happiness she deserved, he could at least protect a piece of it.

Staring at the gravestone with her name on it still felt surreal.

He hadn't seen her ever since they left Bushuu but it had always been with the thought that she was living there safely. Now, she had gone to a place far away from anyone's reach, the same place beyond that Sanzu river where Tamegorou was. He didn't need anyone to tell him that he hadn't shared a word with her before she died. It was obvious from the reports when it said that he had gone on to confront Kuraba Touma by himself instead of remaining by her side in her last moments.

Because he'd always known that if he let himself even set a toe on that path, he might never be able to turn away from it for good.

"It's alright to cry, you know?" Gintoki's voice snapped Toshirou from his thoughts. "No one will judge you for it." He stated as he stood beside him.

"Don't be stupid." Toshirou frowned as he crouched down to placed the pack of senbei by the grave. "It's not that I don't want to cry. It's that I _can't_. Maybe I forgot the fact that she already passed away but part of me still knows. The pain is dull but it's still there. The fact that I can't even be properly sad about her death, does that make me heartless?" His lips curved into a humorless smile.

"I was there with you when she died." The perm said instead. "Cried your heart out like a baby while blaming it on the spicy senbei. But just because a part of you learned to move on doesn't make you a bad person since it's always the job of those left behind to live for them." Gintoki's tone was unwavering and Toshirou could tell that it was the man's own experience speaking.

"Live for them, huh?" Toshirou murmured as he stood up.

Silence.

No one said a word for a while. Until Gintoki let out an explosive sigh.

"Man, you're really awkward at this, aren't you?" The perm announced exasperatedly while Toshirou stared at him in confusion. "If you're not going to say anything, then I'll do it for you. Don't worry about your sadistic brother, he'll be fine. He got this guy and the gorilla looking out for him. Found himself a rival in my brat. I guess I can also check on him if he's starting to be masochistic." He added the last bit as an afterthought.

"Oi, what's with those crude declarations?" Toshirou's eye twitched in annoyance.

"And don't worry about this guy too," Gintoki spoke as if the vice-commander hadn't uttered a word, patting him on the shoulder. "Even though he lost his memories, he's holding up fine. This idiot also got us looking out for him so just enjoy your senbei in the afterlife like a boss, okay?"

Toshirou stared at him with wide eyes.

He hadn't been much for words but this idiot just went and bulldozed over that fact anyway.

 _Mitsuba_ , he thought as his gaze went back at her grave. _I'll definitely tell you when we meet again. Is it fine if this guy hears those words first?_

Because he finally had his answer.

**oOo**

When they finally got back to Edo, Toshirou couldn't shake off that realization.

Right now, it was the answer that made the most sense to him. From that moment when Gintoki declared that he was going to help him bring back his memories, Toshirou could tell that the man was special. It didn't matter if he lost his memories because the feeling never went away. The reason why he would go out of his way for this guy, allowing the Shinsengumi he'd dedicated his life to disband like that. It wouldn't leave his mind alone.

Still, maybe he should've been more conscious of the timing.

"I'm in love with you, aren't I?" Toshirou blurted out before he could stop himself.

The moment the words were out of his mouth, his face was promptly showered with a spray of spit and sake. The perm had been sitting across from him in the bar that night and was in the middle of his drink when Toshirou dropped that bomb on him.

Also, was it just him or did the atmosphere in the bar change?

Staring over his shoulder, he found that no one was staring at them but most of the people seemed to suddenly find the ceiling interesting.

Turning back to the perm, he hadn't stopped gaping at Toshirou.

Trying to ignore the sudden awkwardness between them, he busied himself with wiping off the liquid from his face with several slips of tissue. Ugh, it was so disgusting. Also, for the record, this was alcohol. But, for some reason, it smelled unreasonably sweet and it was making him kind of nauseous. Just how much sugar did this fucking asshole consume?

"Y-You're drunk, aren't you?" The Yorozuya laughed uneasily.

"I know what I said. _I'm in love with you._ I only had one cup of sake so far." Toshirou shut down that route immediately, not liking the implication that his words were only spurred on by alcohol. "And you're trying so hard to help me remember you. So, that means you must feel something too, right? Or did I get the signals wrong?" He proceeded to go for the blunt approach.

"M-Must feel something–" Gintoki shook his head with another laugh, sounding just as disbelieving the first time. "Did Sofa-kun damage your head earlier while trying to kill you?"

What.

Did this asshole think he was joking? Was it that hard to believe?

Or–

It was his way of letting him down. So, he got it all wrong after all.

"Forget it," Toshirou abruptly declared as he stood up from his seat. "It's a joke." He smiled but it felt forced, the way it did when he tried to comfort Kondo after being rejected by Otae. "Anyway, I'm going back first." He didn't give him a chance to speak before he strode out of the bar.

This time, he knew that he wasn't imagining the eyes on him.

In fact, when Toshirou paused outside once he stepped out, he jumped in shock when a hand landed on his shoulder. Turning to the culprit, it was to see Hasegawa Taizou shedding tears behind his sunglasses as he gave his shoulder in what he must've thought to be comforting. This man was the former head of the Immigration Bureau and while Toshirou had never really interacted with him, they'd crossed paths once or twice.

"That was so brave of you, Vice-Commander." The man told him almost proudly.

"I-I guess," Toshirou responded as politely as he could.

_Is this guy mocking me?_

"I always knew that there was something between the two of you, you know?" The guy continued, oblivious to Toshirou's darkening mood. "It reminded me of when Hatsu–"

"Nothing like that, I assure you." He needed to make that clear. "Excuse me."

He didn't know what kind of face he was making but Hasegawa instantly recoiled from him with a yelp.

With a nod, Toshirou walked away.

**oOo**

The steady reemergence of his memories didn't come in flashes like shown in those few dramas he'd seen use it for plot device.

Gaining them back didn't come with this moment of clarity out of nowhere, like a fucking high school student who finally remembered the answer for a stupid question in the exam that hadn't stopped bothering him. It was more like the things around him just started to make more sense and to click into place.

For example, seeing Tetsu around had finally stopped Toshirou from questioning how he'd gotten himself that kind of subordinate. He'd just been in the middle of going back to his room when he'd seen the other practicing his swings in the dojo. And the first thought that came to mind was that _Sasaki would be proud of him_. It didn't come with that disorienting confusion he had to deal with during the first few days of his amnesia. It came with this lucidity that he knew just how hard Tetsu had been working to get stronger.

Then there was that time when he'd joined Shimaru for that training and found himself berating the afro-man into showing him that same zeal he'd seen in him when fighting Katsura. Because he could finally tell that Shimaru hadn't been giving it his best.

In fact, if it wasn't for the man presenting to him a written _"You remember, Vice-Commanderz?_ ” on his sketchpad right after, Toshirou wouldn't even realize.

"Huh," He simply blinked. "I guess I do."

Then he proceeded to grill the man anyway about his performance before telling the other shocked officers to give him a thousand swings of their shinai.

In fact, most of them enthusiastically obeyed while sniffles resounded throughout the dojo.

It went on like that for other things and Kondo kept crying that he was finally showing signs of recovery. He wanted to tell the man that he'd been experiencing this ever since that night at the cabaret club.

Attempts to awaken his memory were finally put to an end, figuring that they just really needed to let it be.

After what happened at the bar, Toshirou didn't know whether he was glad that the perm acted like nothing happened or be annoyed that he really hadn't been taken seriously. Though, considering the nervous reaction he'd gotten for his words, he supposed that it was for the best. It obviously upset whatever balance they had going on. So, he tried to continue as usual. Besides, he didn't know what he'd been expecting in the first place. A proper rejection sounded nice, though.

It was different from when he fell in love with Mitsuba. It was the reason why he couldn't put his finger on it no matter how some things should've made it obvious. It was confusing but then he'd think of the way his body would relax at the man's presence, the trust, the way his feet would automatically try to match the other's pace, and he now realized that it was the kind of love that had remained unvoiced. Even to himself. Simply because it was how things were between them.

Besides, coming out like that, what the hell had he been doing? That wasn't like him at all.

Though, just because Gintoki acted like the exchange didn't happen didn't mean that he wasn't acting strange.

**oOo**

For example, while on his break, a random woman had approached him.

Toshirou didn't remember her so he just kind of stood there in confusion as he watched her fidget on the spot. Then she proceeded to bow at the waist level while handing him a container of what looked like an assortment of daifuku. Feeling the stares of the people around them, Toshirou cautiously accepted her offer. It wasn't like this hadn't happened in the past. Although, he'd thought that disappearing from Edo for two years would put a stop to this kind of thing.

"P-Please accept this humble gift, Hijikata-sama." She spoke nervously as she straightened. "I-I don't know if you remember," _How fucking ironic_. "but you saved my husband two years ago in that war with the Liberation Army. Yousuke-kun was one of the men who volunteered to fight in that battle. I never really expressed my thanks for that." She gave him a small tentative smile.

Something in Toshirou's chest loosened.

"It's what anyone would do." He found himself answering succinctly with a nod.

She shook her head. "I know but, at that time, it was you. So, our family gives you our thanks." She tucked a dark strand behind her ear, practically vibrating with nervous energy. "Also, if you visit our shop any time, we'll be sure to give discounts!" With that, she gave a last bow before scurrying off with a wave.

When he turned to walk away, however, he bumped into the last person he expected to see right then.

"That looks awfully generous of her," Gintoki squinted his eyes at the box of daifuku.

"She was just thanking me." Toshirou deadpanned.

"That's how it usually starts, you know?" The stupid perm's brows furrowed in consternation. "They will give you something to please you until you look forward to the next. Then, before you know it, you've been trapped in this illusion that makes you think that you're the only person she's being kind to. I didn't know that you're the kind of person to fall for that ploy, Hijikata-kun." He clicked his tongue at him.

Toshirou scowled. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Then he watched as those red eyes stayed focused on the daifuku. _Of course, I'm talking to a diabetic_. "Here, you can have it since I'm not fond of sweets. This way, it wouldn't go to waste." He pushed the container into a confused silver-haired man's hands.

"W-What are you doing?" The man seemed strangely flustered for some reason.

"She's thanking me for saving her husband before." Toshirou revealed as he pushed the container more insistently.

"I-Is that so?" Gintoki laughed obnoxiously as he finally accepted it.

Toshirou watched him put a whole daifuku into his mouth. Despite himself, he couldn't deny the rush of affection. This was what he was meant to do, huh? Just keep this distance between them because that had been originally what their bond had been about.

This was enough.

Still, if that hadn't been strange, the next day Gintoki had literally blocked his way during patrol.

"What are you doing?" He asked cautiously.

"Coffee!" The man yelled at him.

Toshirou blinked.

_What the hell are you on about now?_

Before he could berate this fucking idiot for bothering him while on the job, the Yorozuya surged forward and proceeded to shove a steaming cup of coffee into the vice-commander's face. Thankfully, there was a lid over it or else, the scalding liquid would've splashed onto him. Not knowing what the moron really wanted, he grabbed the hot drink from the man's hands. Gintoki was staring at his face rather intently. Like he was waiting for something.

"Uh, thanks?" Toshirou finally said when the staring became unnerving.

"Of course, Gin-san has always been generous." The perm nodded to himself before walking away just as abruptly as he'd appeared. "You better enjoy that coffee, Hijikata-kun. That costs more than 300 yen!" He spoke before disappearing around the corner like a ghost was after him.

Wary of anything from that man, Toshirou carefully took a sip.

Then spat it out.

The fucking thing tasted nothing but sugar. Still, he couldn't stop smiling.

**oOo**

"How much do you finally remember?" Gintoki asked casually as he stood beside Toshirou by the bridge.

The vice-commander took a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling smoke into the air.

"Just enough for now." He simply said.

It was the truth. When he was a child, Tamegorou had once told him that there would be certain people in their lives who's going to change something in their world and it would never be the same again. The more he steadily remembered about Gintoki, the more Toshirou believed that the man was one of them. From Tamegorou, to Kondo, to Mitsuba, and then this perm.

And he was fine with it.

"So, when are we getting that barbecue? Kagura's been asking nonstop ever since Souichirou-kun told us the news," The shameless bastard told him as he pulled out a box of Ahollo strawberry chocolate from the folds of his yukata. _Damn Sougo and his big mouth._ "I was thinking Korean, you know? They have the best side dishes that go well with grilled meat." He then proceeded to devour a few pieces of that strawberry chocolate, chewing loudly.

Remembering how China had tried to bludgeon him in her quest to bring back his memories, something in Toshirou snapped.

"You've got a lot of nerve to demand like that when it was all your fault that she kept trying hard to kill me!" Toshirou grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, shaking him in a bid to hopefully bring some sense back into him. "Who cares about barbecue?! No, what else did you promise those kids when I get my memories back, huh?! I swear to God–" He snarled as he shook him again.

"Look, she came up with that all on her own–" The perm tried to explain, trying to dislodge Toshirou's grip on him.

However, in his rage, he'd simply slapped the man's hand away and both of them watched as the box of Ahollo chocolate in that same hand went flying.

As if in slow motion, Toshirou's eyes followed its descent until it dropped down into the river below them.

"Oi!"

The vice-commander staggered back as the perm pushed him away with surprising strength, staring down at the river in shock.

"Y-You–" Gintoki gaped as he held on to the railing. "Do you know what you just did, huh?! That was Gin-san's last stash of chocolate for the week!" He grabbed the lapels of Toshirou's coat in his outrage.

"Then why the hell are you just holding it out in the open like that?!" He growled right back as he pushed the man's hands off of him.

Toshirou became wary when a rather sleazy smile appeared on the man's face.

"But you'll get it back for me, right?" The grin was all teeth and narrowed eyes. "After all, didn't you just tell me–" Gintoki suddenly cut himself off, looking almost caught off guard at what he was about to say.

"I told you what?" The vice-commander demanded.

Gintoki didn't continue but what he did was bring a leg up over the railing.

"If you don't promise to buy me a new one then I'm gonna jump off this bridge!" The stupid perm declared rather loudly and Toshirou saw that other people were beginning to take notice of the spectacle between them. "I'm not joking! I'm going to jump off and get the one you threw here if you don't buy me a new one!"

"Are you fucking serious?!" Was this man really going to go there?

"Fucking serious as your love for mayonnaise!" Gintoki yelled. "I'm really going to jump off!" Despite his words, his hands tightened over the railing.

"Fine." Toshirou didn't believe he'd go through with it anyway, not with him looking that panicky about his own threat.

"Gin-san is really going to take a dive!"

"Go on."

"I'm really doing it!"

"No problem."

"I swear on my ancestor's grave–"

"Just fucking jump off already!" Toshirou watched as the moron went flying off the bridge, destroyed railing and all.

However, he still had his foot raised and was only about to threaten to kick him off. The idiot's screaming had been getting on his nerves but he hadn't been the one to push him off the bridge. Toshirou turned to the side and watched as a strange duck-like creature stared from where he'd just obviously shoved the moron. His eye started twitching, he hadn't noticed it at all.

"Ah, Elizabeth, did you finally help that poor man out?" Katsura Kotarou strode to them from the other side of the bridge.

 _He was noisy_ , the other raised a signboard.

Come to think of it, it never was really explained just what sort of creature Katsura's partner was.

"Your pet just pushed him off the bridge," Toshirou said just in case the other misunderstood.

"He looked like he needed the encouragement." Katsura merely replied as he stood beside the vice-commander with his arms crossed. "He did say that he wanted to jump off. Elizabeth was just assisting a fellow citizen." He nodded at this, fully convinced of what he was saying.

Toshirou had to admit. Some of the stuff about this man was still hazy in his head. However, there was no instinctive urge to cut him down so he would assume that there really was no bad blood between them anymore. And Kondo had emphasized countless of times whenever Toshirou reported seeing him that Katsura was aiding the Shinsengumi in rounding up the remnants of the Seibouists and that, _no_ , he couldn't fucking arrest him because Katsura's days as a terrorist were over.

"H-Help!" A choked voice screamed out.

Toshirou looked over the railing to see the stupid perm flailing in the water, in his hand was the soggy box of his beloved chocolate. Unbelievable.

"Ah, I forgot that he couldn't swim." Katsura merely commented, as if he was only talking about the weather. "Just stretched out your arms and move like you're pulling the water towards you, Gintoki! And flap your feet!" He shouted while doing absolutely nothing but watch.

"F-Fuck you, Zura!"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura! Are you telling me that you still don't know how to swim after all this time?" The long-haired samurai sounded disapproving.

"You both need to get your priorities in order." Toshirou grumbled.

The vice-commander sighed as he crushed his cigarette underneath his foot. Then he proceeded to remove his coat, his cravat and his shoes. Just as he did, Gintoki started to sink into the water. This fucking perm couldn't swim and he still had the gall to announce that he was jumping off. What a fucking moron.

Even then, Toshirou jumped in for him.

**oOo**

"U-Uhm, Hijikata-san?" Yamazaki nervously peeked by the doorway.

"What is it?" He absentmindedly asked as he finally finished the pile of paperwork.

The other fidgeted. Yamazaki seemed anxious if left alone with him for long.

"W-Well, there's someone at the gates, ah, looking for you?" The cyborg sounded unsure about it for some reason. "The truth is, he's drunk. One of the officers tried to take him home but he insisted that he wouldn't let himself be moved unless it's you? He knocked out two of our men and since we really didn't want to fight him, Kondo-san told us to just call for you instead." He let out an uneasy chuckle.

Toshirou scowled.

"Why the hell are you letting this guy get away with something like that?" He demanded as he grabbed his coat from the floor to wear and marched through the halls.

"Just see for yourself." was what Yamazaki had to say on the matter.

By the time he reached the gates, it was to see Kondo herding the men back in. Most of them wore hesitant, if not outright bewildered, expressions. Who the hell would come this late here anyway? He could only assume that it wasn't anyone hostile considering that the others hadn't started gearing up for a fight. Toshirou sighed in aggravation, just when he thought that he would finally get some rest. Today had been a bit hectic, after all.

"Sorry, Toshi." Kondo called out to him. "Since he wouldn't listen to anyone, I figured that we can just give him what we want." The man sheepishly scratched back of his head.

"I'll take it from here." He nodded.

To be honest, even though it shouldn't surprise him, Toshirou still didn't expect to see Sakata Gintoki bracing himself against the wall with his hands. Bastard was red in the face and neck, probably having drunk more than his own weight in alcohol. What the hell was he doing anyway?

Once he got closer, Toshirou realized that the man was _talking to the wall_.

"–bring out Hijikata-kun, okay?" Gintoki told the wall and gave it a light slap. "Y-You can't keep someone like him in there forever, right? L-Look, Gin-san can't pay you right now but I still have those, uh, 100 yen coins stashed under my floorboards? W-We can discuss payment once you bring him out here." There was a pause. "I-I don't have a single yen on me right now~" He whined as he smacked his fist against it.

Was the bastard… _bargaining_ with the wall?!

"Yorozuya," Toshirou warily called out, keeping his distance. "Have you gone mad?"

"See? I-I'm already hallucinating his voice," He tried to hit the wall again but he lost his balance and ended up smacking his forehead on it instead. "Ow, goddamn, fuck!" He cursed out as he slowly slid to his knees, cradling his head.

Toshirou rolled his eyes and prayed for patience.

He crouched down beside the man. "Gintoki." He called and waited until the man turned to face him. "What are you doing and causing trouble here, huh?" He shouldn't be feeling fond about that but when it came to this man, he fucking did.

"Y-You're–?" The man sounded shocked.

If he was demanding for Toshirou to show up, then why the hell was he so surprised to see him?

"Come on, get up." The vice-commander sighed.

"N-No," The man leaned back, almost falling over on the ground. "Prove that you're Oogushi-kun first." He stated petulantly.

 _What a kid_ , he thought with a small smile.

"Fine, what do you want me to do? This better not be anything embarrassing or I'm gonna beat you up." He ignored the urge to pull out a cigarette, he'd allow himself that break once he'd safely brought this perm-head home.

The silver-haired man hummed.

"C-Come closer," Gintoki eventually said as he beckoned him with a hand. Toshirou wasn't a fucking dog, damn it. Still, he leaned closer just to get it over with. "That's fine." The man said once the vice-commander was less than a foot away.

He expected many things, really, but Toshirou was still unprepared when the fucking asshole _slapped_ him on the face.

With enough force to send Toshirou sprawling on his side on the pavement.

"What the fuck was that for?!" He snarled once he got up, hand already reaching out for that head of silver curls and proceeding to slam the asshole's face on the wall.

"J-Just wanted to check if you're real," Gintoki merely said as he pulled his head back, forehead an angry red, while staring at his hand in confused surprise. "I guess you're the real deal after all." This perm had the nerve to act like he just hadn't slapped Toshirou or had his head bashed in.

Toshirou sighed. "Come on, get up." He grabbed the man's elbow. "I'm taking you home."

Surprisingly, Gintoki didn't fight him and staggered to his feet. Though, he did sway dangerously and the vice-commander had to wrap the man's arm around his shoulder to support his weight. The man reeked of alcohol and he was practically a furnace from how much warmth he radiated. How much did this idiot had to drink? Seriously, even with his spotty memory, he couldn't remember a time when he'd seen this man get this wasted. Oh, he'd seen him drunk before, tipsy most of the time, but not like this.

It was a slow walk towards the Yorozuya's place.

"You came all the way to bother me and you're not even going to tell me what it's all about?" Toshirou tried to sound annoyed as he matched the halting pace of the man beside him.

"What were you doing in Yoshiwara?" Gintoki asked instead, sounding surprisingly more coherent than earlier.

The vice-commander masked his surprise.

"I went to negotiate with the leader of Hyakka," He answered as he thought about the meeting earlier today. "We simply wanted to establish a temporary alliance since an informant told us that some of the remaining Seibouists had taken shelter in that city. The Shinsengumi didn't want to usurp their authority there considering that they already have their own established force. We just wanted the assurance that the criminals' custody would be turned over to us."

"You looked like you enjoyed talking with Tsukki," Gintoki muttered testily, confusing him.

"How would you know about that?" Toshirou asked before his jaw slackened. "Were you following me?!" He demanded incredulously.

"We were there for a job." The man merely said. "So, did you?"

"What?" Toshirou stared at him from the corner of his eye but the perm's gaze was fixed on the ground.

"Enjoy _negotiating_ with her." Gintoki's head snapped up to glare at him.

Toshirou frowned, wondering what the man was so worked up about. Though, now that Gintoki mentioned it, he remembered seeing glimpses of China and Glasses on one of the roofs and fixing it but he hadn't caught sight of the perm so he'd just assumed that the kids were on their own. So, he hadn't thought too much about it since he was there on duty.

"What's with that tone?" Toshirou exhaled sharply. "It was a business transaction, nothing more. I'm just glad that we got straight to the point and didn't have to go through pointless small talk." He appreciated the straightforward manner of the Courtesan of Death.

At least, when she wasn't in the company of those other women.

"You didn't even deny it." The shitty perm frowned, looking away.

"What's your issue? No, really, you're acting strange. _What's your issue_?" He questioned as they paused by the edge of the park.

Gintoki stumbled on his feet as he pushed away from the vice-commander.

"What's my issue?" He repeated the question incredulously, staring at Toshirou like he was the idiot. "What's _not_ my issue? How can you act like it's got nothing to do with me? You were the one who started this! Back at the bar, you were the one who went and acted strange so don't put this all on me!" He went on an indignant tirade as he swayed on his feet, obviously worked up enough to gain lucidity for the conversation.

"What are you talking–"

"Then I tried to see if anything changed but it's the same shit as before!"

Toshirou scowled. "Why are you suddenly behaving like it's my fault?"

"Because it is!" Gintoki insisted as he combed both hands through his curls. "You can't just go saying something like that and then tell me that it's a joke! It messes with the head, you know?!" He growled in obvious agitation.

"You were the one who didn't take me seriously," He pointed out, just in case this bastard forgot. "Since you obviously didn't want to hear it, I took back what I said. And you went on like nothing happened, so I respected that. That one's on you."

"I was shocked, okay? It came out of nowhere!" Gintoki defended but the argument sounded weak.

"Did it?" Toshirou finally gave in to the urge to pull out a cigarette, promptly taking a long drag once he'd lighted it. "Was it so hard to believe? I let the Shinsengumi disband for two years and in that same time, I chased after you and had the others looked out for your kids just to make sure that the Yorozuya got back together. I went that far for you." He laid it out for the man, wanting to be certain that he wouldn't be misunderstood.

"You were just repaying back the favor," The man wouldn't meet his gaze now. "And you don't remember those things when you said that at the bar."

"I didn't need to," He closed his eyes. "I didn't need those memories since what I felt never changed, dumbass." He took another long drag of his cigarette, it just took him getting reacquainted with everything to finally identify what those feelings were.

"So, where do we go from here?" Gintoki finally asked.

"You shouldn't worry too much about it." Toshirou felt the need to clarify as he stared at the perm. "I didn't realize that it bothered you this much. Even if I'm rejected and things didn't change between us, you should know that I'm gonna be fine with that." He gave a small smile.

At least, the bastard was gracious enough to give him a proper rejection this time.

Gintoki stared at him with wide eyes.

"W-What?" He started to approach Toshirou however, he only took one step before his eyes rolled at the back of his head and he fell into a dead faint.

He must've already used up all his energy. The vice-commander had been actually wondering when he would run out of power.

"What an idiot," Toshirou sighed.

**oOo**

The next afternoon, China came hurtling at him inside the headquarters after the morning assembly with the glasses running after her with this small relieved smile on his face.

"Toshi!" She proceeded to grab him in a headlock and considering the difference in their heights, it was a damn straining angle for him to bend. "You damn tax-thief! You better treat me to some barbecue for forgetting the great Kagura-sama, you hear?! Are you running away from me? Is that why you haven't shown yourself around?" She demanded fiercely as she grinded her fist onto his head.

"Kagura-chan! Stop! Do you want him to lose his memories again?!" Glasses berated her which Toshirou was damn thankful for. China's strength was no joke.

"Tsk," She huffed before releasing him.

Toshirou glared at her as he straightened. "If you do that one more time, I'm gonna arrest you for assaulting an officer." He warned her but she just glared right back. _Ugh._ "Besides, it's not all back yet. But it's steadily getting there." He felt the need to at least tell them this much.

"But you remember us?" Her brows furrowed.

"For the most part," Toshirou sighed as he pulled out a cigarette. "How's that lazy boss of yours doing?"

"Gin-chan woke up with a killer headache before puking his guts out this morning for thirty minutes," The Yato informed him disinterestedly. "Then he went to fight with his reflection in the mirror while brushing his teeth, complaining about dense idiots. Then he went out and we haven't seen him after that. We're actually hoping that you know where he is since all he does these days is hang around you, yes?" Her head swiveled around the hallways as if she was expecting the perm to suddenly show up.

"No, I haven't seen him." Toshirou thought that after last night, it would be too soon if he did.

"Well, I'm glad that you're finally recovering, Hijikata-san." Shinpachi said with that same relieved smile. "When Gin-san first heard about it, I think it really bothered him that you didn't recognize him." He revealed with a small laugh.

Toshirou blinked in surprise.

"It did?"

"Like you have no idea, pfft." China waved a hand mockingly. "He couldn't stop complaining about it for a whole day! And that stupid boss even made a _list_ about things he thought he could do to make you remember. I told him that we could just hit you over the head. But he wouldn't listen. Then he told us that if we just did as we're told, you'd treat us once you got your memories back, yes?" She put her hands on her hips.

_That perm really had it all planned out when he approached me?_

"Gin-san was really committed about it." Glasses agreed with her.

"Like I've been telling you, Pachi, our boss is stupid. Gin-chan doesn't even realize that he's in–" The older teen promptly slapped a hand against her mouth, suddenly looking nervous.

"And we shouldn't be speaking out for him for these things," Shinpachi eyed her warningly, his glasses glinting rather menacingly.

Toshirou eyed them warily. What was up with this atmosphere?

"Came back for a rematch, China?" Sougo's voice suddenly reached them and the vice-commander eyed the approaching captain who was already smirking at the now scowling Yato. "Last score's 9-10, in _my_ favor." The sadistic brat gleefully recounted.

The Yato slapped Shinpachi's hand away.

"You got lucky last time, punk chihuahua." She grinned back at him toothily, already cracking her knuckles. "I'm gonna enjoy pulverizing that stupid face, yes?" She swung her umbrella down.

"Sougo, at least bring your fights to the courtyard." Toshirou sighed.

"How about we make it a contest who could take Hijikata-san's head first?" Sougo suggested instead as he unsheathed his sword.

"After all the trouble we went through to make him remember?" Kagura spat out in annoyance. "He still hadn't treated me to some barbecue, yes? I can't let you kill him off. Especially since Gin-chan–"

"Kagura-chan!" The glasses-wearing teen shouted over her.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes.

"Then we won't. If only because danna would kill me." Sougo chimed in as well.

Then she surged forward and tried to take Sougo's head off with a swing of her umbrella. The captain had blocked the attack with his sword and retaliated with a wide kick that she dodged by dropping sharply on her back to the ground and tried to trip him with a kick to the shin. However, Sougo just jumped back from her attack, eyes already taking on a wild glint which was mirrored by the Yato who jumped to her feet.

Toshirou sighed and prayed for patience.

This was going to be a long day.

**oOo**

Toshirou had just dismissed the men from the evening meeting when Gintoki showed up.

The man was standing by the courtyard, the same one that Sougo and Kagura had fought in earlier that day. Instead of his usual outfit, the Yorozuya boss was dressed in a simple white yukata with blue grid lines on the sleeves. That in itself was already strange. However, what surprised Toshirou was the large basket in his hands filled with bottles of mayonnaise, all held together by a bright red bow.

Murmurs exploded behind him. No doubt, intrigued by the spectacle especially with the ruckus this idiot had caused last night.

Toshirou glared at all of them. They hurriedly scurried away. However, he could tell that some of them didn't go far. In fact, he could even see Sougo and Kondo's head poking out from around the corner. And was the brat taking a video–

"What are you doing here?" _Again._ Couldn't this guy give him a fucking break especially since–

"Before that, I just want to make it clear that I wasn't rejecting you." Gintoki spoke over him, eyes narrowed while the vice-commander swore that someone squealed. "If you'd just _let me explain_ since you're too stupid to get it, I'm gonna lay it all out on you in a way you could understand. All transparent. No holds barred. This is going to be Gin-san at his purest so you better listen well, okay, mayora?"

"Hold on–" Toshirou's eyes widened as he realized what was going on.

Gintoki took a deep breath. "I didn't take you seriously because like I said, it came out of nowhere and then it took a while for me to come up with an answer. While I haven't gotten to say anything about reciprocating your feelings in our conversation last night because, _ahem_ , _" You fucking fainted, asshole._ "I also never implied that I was rejecting you. How can I reject something that you took back anyway?! So, if we're going to do this, I'm going to do it properly. _Go out with Gin-san_." He spoke out.

Someone fucking whistled.

Despite his bravado, Toshirou could see the sweat gathering in the silver-haired man's brow and his ears had gone red. He wasn't totally immune to speaking like this with other people around. Was this because Toshirou had done the same back at the bar? Or because he thought–

Tch. This damn perm and his schemes.

"No." He answered.

" _WHAT?!_ " Gintoki exploded in shock. "That's too fast! What the fuck is up with that kind of rejection?!" He demanded indignantly.

"You purposely asked me in front of the troops and thought I'd be hard-pressed to turn you down, didn't you?" Toshirou asked with suspicion especially when he'd seen the perm give Sougo and the other officers a discreet thumb-up a while ago before they hid away. This man was obviously trying to embarrass him into simply agreeing.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." The man avoided his gaze.

Despite himself, Toshirou was already smiling as he crouched in front of the huge basket.

"…6…7…" He counted the bottles. "…13…14…15." He blinked as he stood back up. "Make it twenty bottles then I'll go on that date." He simply said.

"H-Hey!" The perm complained before letting out an aggravated sigh. "Fine, I'll give the other five bottles later. So, is that a yes?"

"That wasn't a no this time, right?"

**oOo**

A few weeks later, Toshirou finally recalled why he was hit by a car.

It was because he'd been chasing after a subordinate who was playing badminton while on a stakeout.

" _Yamazaki!_ "

Gintoki hadn't stopped laughing once he found out.

**Author's Note:**

> The premise of amnesia here was different from the Memory Loss Arc. It's actually based from one of the novels I read. Where the retrieval of memories couldn't be forced and the character spent a few months to a year before making a complete recovery. I heard it could take even years. Also, the core personality stayed the same because despite the memories being lost, the feelings didn't. I hope I conveyed that well in GinHiji setting.
> 
> So, here, Toshi slowly but eventually made a full recovery.
> 
> Also, I used 'a few years' because the format of Gintama timeline almost killed me.
> 
> I'm gonna add more notes later. Thanks for reading this long fic :D


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